A Guide to Politics
Feudalism: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.
Pure socialism: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The government gives you as much milk as you need.
Bureaucratic socialism: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and as many eggs as the regulations say you should need.
Fascism: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk.
Pure communism: You have two cows. Your neighbours help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.
Dictatorship: You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.
Militarianism: You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.
Pure democracy: You have two cows. Your neighbours decide who gets the milk.
Representative democracy: You have two cows. Your neighbours pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.
Bureaucracy: You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. After that it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.
Anarchy: You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbours try to kill you and take the cows.
Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
Environmentalism: You have two cows. The government bans you from milking or killing them.
Totalitarianism: You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned.
Political correctness: You are associated with (the concept of "ownership" is a symbol of the phallo-centric, war-mongering, intolerant past) two differently-aged (but no less valuable to society) bovines of non-specified gender.
Counter culture: Wow, dude, there's like... these two cows, man. You got to have some of this milk.
Surrealism: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
Libertarianism: You have two cows. One has actually read the constitution, believes in it, and has some really good ideas about government. The cow runs for office, and while most people agree that the cow is the best candidate, nobody except the other cow votes for her because they think it would be "throwing their vote away."
Contact for Enquiries
The Ministry of Agriculture and Forestry
Pastoral House
25 The Terrace
PO Box 2526, Wellington
Tel: 0800 00 83 33
Fax: +64 4 894 0720
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